Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
