I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
