I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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