Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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