just survived the first fart of the relationship.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
