Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize