Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
did i just pee glitter
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
