My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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