now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
