trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
