You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
