The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
