I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
