if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize