And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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