Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize