we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
