i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
