Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would ride that face into the sunset
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
