she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Randomize
