she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
someone threw a dead crab at me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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