Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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