My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
