He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
