I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
