Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
