It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
