I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
