Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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