Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize