your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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