I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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