It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
