The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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