Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
