Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
