i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
