i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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