Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
