she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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