I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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