Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There r osticjed everywhere
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
