hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
