if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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