Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
