Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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