i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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