If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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