he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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