so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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