Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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