I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize