I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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