I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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