just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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