the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
