Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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