Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The feeling are messing with the penis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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