I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
