i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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