after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
