took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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