so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
