you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
