Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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