nut hugger
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize