Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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