my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
