dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
