Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When did angry sex become our thing?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
