I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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