Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
