shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
