i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are the jesus of drinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
