you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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