My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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