Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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