I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize