I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
