You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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