I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize