Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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