I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
