It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
