Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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