did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
