I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Randomize
