Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
