She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
