Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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