my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
