If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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