So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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