Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
