Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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