apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize