only if we run a train.
done.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
