my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
