Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
