If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
