All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
