I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
