I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
